my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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