Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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