there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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