I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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