I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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