Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
