You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
