The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
