I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
