1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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