Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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