You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
