Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
That's intense
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
