oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
