Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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