the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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