What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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