i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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