we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
