You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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