My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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