I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
