He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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