I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
