the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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