at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize