My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
