They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
