He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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