does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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