he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
