WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
