At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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