i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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