So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
May the power of my ass compel you!!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
