Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
