Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
