it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
