Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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