i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
there's paper in my vomit.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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