I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
