At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
