I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
