Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
