This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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