i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
