Can i not drive my cunt home
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
