No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize