Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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