yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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