i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
