i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
