can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
