dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
it was like eating out sand paper
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
