What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
