it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
