two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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