Buhtt sex?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize