Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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