you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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