im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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