so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
